If the MLB Went WWE… Who Represents for Their Team in a Royal Rumble?
NL West
San Diego Padres
Height: 6’3” Weight: 215
One of the bigger assholes in baseball gets his shot at becoming the toughest man in the league. Throwing your bat down the third baseline doesn’t qualify you for that unfortunately. We will see if Machado answers the bell, though I feel that he will cower.
Arizona Diamondbacks
Height: 6’4” Weight: 242
This is a man who chops wood as a workout. He’s a rancher and a different breed of man compared to other professional athletes today. He is what most people would call “gritty” and for that I believe he could hold his own during this battle. Madison Bumgarner is the guy you do not fuck with at the bar because he will break you and embarrass you before you can even blink. He is Major League Baseballs’ Chuck Norris.
Los Angeles Dodgers
Height: 6’0” Weight: 225
We needed at least one player on the list with sports glasses to give the children with troublesome eyesight at home a glimmer of hope. Any professional baseball player who decides to wear their hat sideways is basically saying: I’m cooler than you. That is a bold strategy when 29 other guys are vying to take your head off. He was arrested last year and charged with domestic battery, leaving him with a 20 game suspension. Both Osuna and him will be the first to go. Julio might have the drip but that won’t get him far. Sorry kids…
Colorado Rockies
Just one question… how great is the mustache James Pazos is sporting this year? #Mariners #SpringTraining pic.twitter.com/LFwVteJ96B
— Jen Mueller (@JenTalksSports) February 17, 2018
Height: 6’2” Weight: 235
James looks like the type of guy who walks around the clubhouse saying, “I mustache you a question” on a daily basis. Surely, he sports a mean muzzy but that will not get you far in a competition such as this. If I were able to have a beer with anyone on this list, James would be towards the top, however.
San Francisco Giants
Height: 6’5” Weight: 240
A football guy has entered the chat… People forget that The Shark was a two-time All-American wide receiver for Notre Dame. That football toughness might get him fairly deep into the competition. At age 35 I question his stamina, but it would be a sight to see if he were to prove me wrong.
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