Baseball Gloves Were Made for Weak American Men with Soft Hands

Photo: CARLOS GONZALEZ Miguel Sano and Josh Donaldson. take a break during a spring training workout in Fort Myers.

Do they just make men softer in the United States? Christ, I’m not talking about your gut… but grab your over-sized portion of French fries anyway, and come pay attention. By the way, stop calling fries “American”… They’re “FRENCH”, you imbeciles.

Maybe, all of that American grease plays a role in how soft and fragile men’s hands are, across the pond… So soft, that every defensive player on the field, wears A GLOVE to protect them from the BIG BAD BASEBALL. I bet all of you pansies wear condoms when you have sex and oven mitts when you play the piano, too?


Let me tell you about a sport played by real men. Men who aren’t afraid a soft ball, wrapped in cow hide. This sport is somewhat similar to your American baseball… but it’s played by men, who are willing to put their bodies and fingers on the line. WITH. OUT. GLOVES.

Cricket. No gloves. No protection. Just man, his hands and his balls.

Now that you’ve finished your bucket of grease fries, I’m sure you’re sitting in your rocking chair, chewing tobacco and yelling at your iPhone “yeah, but a cricket ball is softer”.

Actually, you uneducated fetus, the two balls are the same level of hardness. Size is the same for both, too. In fact, the only difference between the two, is the weight. The cricket ball is a half-pound heavier.

One main difference, however, is that the ball in cricket is harder and heavier in weight. The legal weight for the ball in baseball is from 5 to 5.25 ounces (142 to 149 g); whereas the ball in cricket must weigh between 5.5 and 5.8 ounces (156 and 164 g).

Comparison of Baseball and Cricket – Wikipedia

I knew your small brain would struggle to grasp this reality, so I found some pretty pictures to help you understand… but first, look at this beauty (without a glove).

Cricket balls come in red, white and pink depending on the type of match you play

“Yeah but Redcoat, the cricket ball doesn’t travel as fast as a baseball”. I guess simple people use simple arguments. Let me break it down for you like you’re a 3-year-old. The speed OFF the bat is the same.

“The ball bounces on it’s way to the batsman, so it must be slower off the bat too….” Yes, the ball bounces before it hits the bat but the bat speed is the same regardless. So the ball will still travel at the same speed to the fielders.

The only difference? They make humans stronger on this side of the pond. Imagine being afraid of a tiny little ball… Honestly, if you can’t use your hands to catch a ball, what do you use them for? Do you buy lots of toys for the bedroom, too?

Anyway, I’m over this conversation. Send your women over here, if they’re interested in real men. I’m going to go chop some wood out back. I’m sure you need to moisturize or something.


Sanka | Minnesota Sports Fan

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