But on Wednesday morning, in possibly the greatest live moment in TV history, Brandt cemented himself into the hearts and souls of Vikings fans forever. In a predictions segment he does before every season, Kyle Brandt went out of body, tucked in his purple #8 jersey and picked Kirk Cousins to win the 2022 Most Valuable Player.

MVP Kirk Cousins (Warning: Video may cause Vikings fans to run through nearest wall)

2022 MVP pick.

I’d like to take this chance to apologize, to ABSOLUTELY NOBODY pic.twitter.com/HFA16AghR8

— Kyle Brandt (@KyleBrandt) September 7, 2022

“My favorite type of MVP comes up every so often and it’s the totally unforseen, head-scratcher, ‘what the heck’ type of MVP. And there’s always a recurring theme in the head scratcher-types. Right coach, right receiver…”

… Ladies and gentlemen, I see, from a higher view, of the right coach and the right weapons and I believe the MVP family is going to have a new family member. They’re going to have a new father, they’re going to have a new brother, they’re going to HAVE A NEW COUSIN! AND KIRK COUSINS IS GOING TO BE THE NFL MVP AND YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT I’VE GOT THIS JERSEY TUCKED-IN! JUST LIKE HE WOULD! WITH A FANNY PACK AND SNACKS AND MAPS AND AN MVP TROPHY! ARE YOU READY FOR THIS (points to screen)?

THAT IS YOUR MOST VALUABLE PLAYER OF THE YEAR! WHEN SPF MEETS MVP, KIRK COUSINS IS GOING TO TAKE THIS THING! HE HAS THE WEAPONS, HE HAS THE EXPERIENCE, HE HAS THE NEW COACH WHO IS GOING TO UNLOCK THE ENTIRE THING!” – Kyle Brandt – GMFB (NFL Network)

Kirk Cousins Awakening

Can someone get me a cigarette and just inject this entire segment directly into my veins. I might watch it on repeat for the rest of the day. Might have to get out the old VCR and record this segment over my parents’ wedding or my own first communion, just because it deserves that kind of treatment.

With purple kool-aid flowing through his veins, Brandt points to Rich Gannon (2002) and Matt Ryan (2016) of MVPs past. How the right coaching and the right receivers can create the perfect MVP mixture. And how Kevin O’Connell, Justin Jefferson, Adam Thielen and friends are those perfect ingredients for a 2022 Kirk Cousins explosion.

I went to battle for Kirk Cousins yesterday. I want to believe the hype that’s building in my soul on Cousins + O’Connell. Yet, my Minnesota Sports Fan syndrome was held me back. I’ve been burned too many times by over-optimism entering a season. Not anymore, though. I’m diving directly into the passenger seat of Kyle Brandt’s Kirk Cousins hype train. Choo Choo mother frigger.

“Kirk Cousins, with the tucked in jersey! SKOL Vikes! Kirk, I love you, I see you, blast the Creed and drive the mini-van, we’re winning MVP! That’s my call! That’s my call! It feels good, it feels good!” – Kyle Brandt – GMFB (NFL Network)

Eric Strack | Minnesota Sports Fan

The NFL restricts its YouTube videos (of course they do) from being embedded into an article or blog like we normally do here, so you can go to their youtube page HERE to watch for yourself. The Vikings start at the 1:03 mark.

According to Adam, the Vikings are going to finish at 5-11 and the disappointment will start immediately. Looking at the schedule from a wide angle (we need to mostly throw last season for each team out the window but it’s difficult), games look to get tough early. But the Vikings open the season at home vs the Atlanta Falcons, who ESPN has picked to win 7 games this year, so hopefully we can get off to a good start, right?

via GIPHY

Here were Mr. Rank’s final results for the 2019 Minnesota Vikings:

1. Falcons – L
2. @ Packers – L
3. Raiders – W
4. @ Bears – L
5. @ Giants – W
6. Eagles – L
7. @ Lions – L
8. Redskins – W
9. @ Chiefs – L
10. @ Cowboys – L
11. Broncos – W
12. BYE
13. @ Seahawks – W
14. Lions – L
15. @ Chargers – L
16. Packers – L
17. Bears – L

Good thing we have Adam Rank so I don’t have to watch the Vikings and be heartbroken this season. What a blessing. It’s going to be terrible when we go 0-6 vs. the Division… just when you thought the Lions were back on the downfall… And, so much for US Bank Stadium being a homefield advantage… Although 3 of our 4 wins come at home, they come against the Raiders, Redskins, and Broncos. We’d might as well bring the Rutgers Football team to town for a Sunday night, amirite?

At least we get that one road upset in week 13, coming out of a bye (when nobody ever wins), on the road vs. the Seahawks (where nobody ever wins)… that’s a glimmer of future hope, right?

via GIPHY

There is no light at the end of the tunnel, Vikings fans. Here is our friend (and admitted Vikings fan himself) Mike Florio of ProFootballTalk.com, telling his audience on the NBC Sports Network about how much Kyle Shanahan might rather have Kirk Cousins as his quarterback, opposed to Jimmy Garoppolo, should the Vikings flop in 2019 and want to make a change going forward.

Roll that tape:

Oh, and quickly back to Adam Rank, before we finish up. He also predicted the Bears to go 16-0 and the Packers to finish 12-4… That’s easy to do when you have a shit team like the Vikings on your schedule…

Adam Rank… thank you…. for being a complete fucking moron.

Eric Strack | Minnesota Sports Fan