Cricket… what a perfect name for a “sport” nobody understands or cares about. 

I hired a writer/contenter from England and gave him permission to write about anything he wanted (yay freedom). Naturally, he used that time to emasculate the great game of baseball. I’d be mad, but… I just don’t care about his opinion. His favorite sports are European kickball and cricket. How much can we really value his opinion?

Fuck you @UKSkol https://t.co/mggCXNehBT

— Minnesota Sports Fan (@realmnsportsfan) June 11, 2020

Why are we here?

He called our American ancestors “weak”, for being smarter and more advanced than 15th century, England. Baseball was invented in the late 1800’s, The game consisted of small, hard balls being thrown and hit at people constantly, often at high rates of speed. 

All we had back then was a needle, thread and hand-made leather so the first gloves weren’t pretty, but they were better than nothing. It was more technology and brainpower than the Brits could apparently muster, more than 200 years earlier.. As Sanka told us in his blog yesterday, a Cricket ball is pretty comparable to a baseball… but cricket players don’t wear gloves on defense.

I guess we shouldn’t be surprised that foreign “wankers”, like Sanka, have palms so used to self-made beatings, the idea of using protection when playing with others, never came to mind…

But since you attacked my summer pastime (without any provocation from me, whatsoever, because I never disrespect foreign sports), I have no choice but to return fire. Again, this isn’t something I wanted, but something I’ve been forced into. Let’s examine the British game of “cricket”.

Happy Monday to all the internet trolls! This old man still has his swing and is ready to give you a damn good thrashing! #MondayMotivation #SpreadLove #nothate pic.twitter.com/M97YrBg8Mt

— John Cleese (@JohnCleese) June 8, 2020

Why Sex Paddles?

What was happening in the room while cricket was being invented 500 years ago? What kind of sexual deviant was in charge of that “meeting”? Have you seen the “bats” that are used in this game? They aren’t bats at all.

How do I know? I see cricket “bats” on my pornhub feed everyday. They’re in the same videos as the blindfolded chicks who are tied up and choking on ball-gags (just for the record, these are videos I scroll past). I have so many questions… that I’m not sure I want to ask.

Speaking of ball gags…

Let’s talk about this “cricket ball” Sanka talked so much about during his blog. He said cricket balls and baseballs are comparable in makeup and maybe the modern version is. The original, though, was probably more forgiving on teeth. Either way, a cricket ball and paddle were used together, even before “cricket” was the game..

I’ve used neither a cricket ball or ball-gag… but baseballs wouldn’t be my go-to if I had to bounce a ball before it got to a hitter.

Where are you running?

I loved playing “hot-box” — “pickle in the middle”, for those who aren’t from Minnesota — as a kid. It was something to do, if you were sick of throwing baseballs back and forth between friends, and you didn’t have enough space for an actual game. I don’t know if I’d base an entire “sport’s” scoring system around it, though…

Running between the wickets at its very best!
?? pic.twitter.com/B4T2nvkgSf

— Mohandas Menon (@mohanstatsman) March 26, 2016

Foul Balls Aren’t Exciting

People love seeing balls bombed into the seats… but not foul balls. “Chicks dig the long ball” is a thing… not “Chicks dig the foul ball”. Where are these players trying to hit these ball gags? You are using sex paddles that are flat and 3 feet long… how do you struggle to hit it FORWARD?

I have an idea… don’t bounce the ball-gag. Lose the sex paddles, too. You’re playing a game that was invented by two bored and deranged 15th century “athletes”. I don’t have to look up the history on “cricket” to know how it came about. The tools are all there, to tell the story. Paddles, ball-gags, and balls hit backward… sounds fun.

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Eric Strack | Minnesota Sports Fan

Do they just make men softer in the United States? Christ, I’m not talking about your gut… but grab your over-sized portion of French fries anyway, and come pay attention. By the way, stop calling fries “American”… They’re “FRENCH”, you imbeciles.

Maybe, all of that American grease plays a role in how soft and fragile men’s hands are, across the pond… So soft, that every defensive player on the field, wears A GLOVE to protect them from the BIG BAD BASEBALL. I bet all of you pansies wear condoms when you have sex and oven mitts when you play the piano, too?

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Let me tell you about a sport played by real men. Men who aren’t afraid a soft ball, wrapped in cow hide. This sport is somewhat similar to your American baseball… but it’s played by men, who are willing to put their bodies and fingers on the line. WITH. OUT. GLOVES.

Cricket. No gloves. No protection. Just man, his hands and his balls.

Now that you’ve finished your bucket of grease fries, I’m sure you’re sitting in your rocking chair, chewing tobacco and yelling at your iPhone “yeah, but a cricket ball is softer”.

Actually, you uneducated fetus, the two balls are the same level of hardness. Size is the same for both, too. In fact, the only difference between the two, is the weight. The cricket ball is a half-pound heavier.

One main difference, however, is that the ball in cricket is harder and heavier in weight. The legal weight for the ball in baseball is from 5 to 5.25 ounces (142 to 149 g); whereas the ball in cricket must weigh between 5.5 and 5.8 ounces (156 and 164 g).

Comparison of Baseball and Cricket – Wikipedia

I knew your small brain would struggle to grasp this reality, so I found some pretty pictures to help you understand… but first, look at this beauty (without a glove).

This will come as a surprise to absolutely no one, but just to make it official, congratulations to Ben Stokes who is the first winner of @Nissan #POTD for his outrageous catch against South Africa at The Oval! ?? pic.twitter.com/hvJOSDrljI

— ICC (@ICC) May 31, 2019

“Yeah but Redcoat, the cricket ball doesn’t travel as fast as a baseball”. I guess simple people use simple arguments. Let me break it down for you like you’re a 3-year-old. The speed OFF the bat is the same.

“The ball bounces on it’s way to the batsman, so it must be slower off the bat too….” Yes, the ball bounces before it hits the bat but the bat speed is the same regardless. So the ball will still travel at the same speed to the fielders.

The only difference? They make humans stronger on this side of the pond. Imagine being afraid of a tiny little ball… Honestly, if you can’t use your hands to catch a ball, what do you use them for? Do you buy lots of toys for the bedroom, too?

Anyway, I’m over this conversation. Send your women over here, if they’re interested in real men. I’m going to go chop some wood out back. I’m sure you need to moisturize or something.

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Sanka | Minnesota Sports Fan

Information via Wikipedia and lords.org

Outside of Bill Nye, nobody has the ability to make science entertaining like the extremely talented John Brenkus. The creator, host, and producer of ESPN’s Sport Science (who is also a musician on the side) has amassed 6 Emmy Awards for his roles in the four letter network’s popular series.

In regards to their recent work, the critically acclaimed program has stirred the once-exorcised demons  of “America’s pastime” with the word, “JUICED”. However, this time, it’s the MLB accused of juicing. Also different this time around; we are accused of juicing baseballs, not humans.

Last season, while more than half of MLB team’s saw their TV ratings decreased, the opposite was true for the sport’s home run totals.

The 3,170 total American League HRs and 6,105 total MLB HRs in 2017 (highlighted above) are both all time records. 

ALMOST 2000 MORE HOME RUNS IN 2017 THAN 2014…. Two Thousand….

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In hopes of explaining the spike in deep shots, the Brenkus-run program had research done by the Keck School of Medicine. The USC-based institution took a deep dive into the possibility that the MLB (now commissioned by Rob Manfred) has been using juiced baseballs.

As for the study’s results, they are f*cken wild scientifically fascinating:

Goal of Research: To “see if the internal composition of the baseballs had changed in ways that would affect the ball’s performance.“

Preface: Statistical evidence indicates the rate in which home runs are hit in the MLB, started to increase in the middle of the 2015 season.

Research Format:

• Eight official game balls were obtained and separated into two groups:
  • Old Group: Four balls from prior to mid-2015 spike (between Aug. 2014 and May 2015.)
  • New Group: Four balls from after mid-2015 spike (between 8/2016 and 7/2017; except one of four is brand new)

• The research team used a CAT scan to examine the baseballs.
  • A CAT scan is usually used to examine a human head or body.
  • This method allowed the professors to inspect the interior of the Rawlings made product without having to crack them open.

Findings: There was little to no variation between the test groups, except for one glaring difference in the DENSITY OF THEIR CORE.

Per the below diagram, the core of a baseball is made up of three parts:

Per the below picture, this is how the three core components (plus the yarn and cowhide shell) actually appear:

The disparity between the pre and post mid-2015 subjects existed in the “Pink Rubber,” or outer most part of the core. The researchers found that part was “on average, about 40 percent less dense in the new group of balls.“

Once the Cat scan of the patients baseballs was complete, the eight of them were sent for additional examinations. As you’d expect, the results of that testing showed a difference in the chemical composition of the “Pink Rubber.”

Additionally, the weight of the cores from new set of baseballs were, on average, 0.5 grams lighter than the old set of baseballs. It can be determined that if a ball from each group were hit exactly the same way, the one from the new group would travel slightly farther.

In a tweet from Justin Verlander (HOU – Starting Pitcher) he found a chart that shows exactly that:

Been sitting on this… Exit velo and launch angle and it’s correlation to % chance of becoming a homer. 2014 vs. 2017 pic.twitter.com/UrfVVFVuJB

— Justin Verlander (@JustinVerlander) March 2, 2018

In July of last year, the MLB sent a memo to all 30 clubs that claimed there wasn’t any evidence that the leagues’ official game ball hand changed. Whenever commissioner Manfred addresses this controversy, he seems to continuously take the rat-boy style approach of “deny, deny, deny.”

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Before this study was released, because of previous findings, I would have bet that the MLB baseballs (like many of their athletes from the infamous Steroids Era) were on the juice.

Thanks to Sport Science and their contacts, for the first time, we can confirm changes in the way the official baseballs from before and after the HR jump are composed. With those previous findings, parlayed with this new information, I’m extremely confident in saying that these non-living items are on their own version of that Mark McGwire shit.

For a non-baseball purist like myself, I am all for the extra entertainment that has resulted from, what I view as, a deliberate and calculated change made by the league’s big wigs.

If you’re a baseball purist, this probably drives you crazy. Like my Minnesota Sports Fan colleague, Brandon Strack (IG: @BStrack21), discussed in an MLB pitch-clock discussion on our “No Shirts, Just Skins” Podcast, stuff like this tampers with the ultra-coveted baseball record books. And, you don’t want to piss people like Brandon off.

No, no, no. There aren’t any steroids involved with Brandon (at least we don’t believe so), nor did the man’s composition change (that I know of).

As Welch’s, Lance Armstrong, Rawlings, and P.J. Fleck have shown us, the term juice(d) has many different interpretations:

“#JUICEWEEK LET’S GOOOO!! LET’S GOOOO!!” – @BrandonStrack

PJ Fleck has us INSPIRED. #SkiUMah #RTB @TheJohnnyMN pic.twitter.com/aNu9iOSXnm

— Minnesota Sports Fan (@realmnsportsfan) March 5, 2018

Johnny Minnesota @TheJohnnyMN
Minnesota Sports Fan MinnesotaSportsFan.com