If the MLB Went WWE… Who Represents for Their Team in a Royal Rumble?
AL East
Tampa Bay Rays
Height: 6’1” Weight: 250
As if playing at Tropicana Field wasn’t bad enough, Choi is selected to go up against some of the leagues’ toughest individuals in a battle of life or death. He looks like a guy who wouldn’t hurt a fly. I feel bad for him as the Rays representative to the fight, but also for the fact that he plays in front of no fans 81 games per year.
Toronto Blue Jays
Height: 6’4” Weight: 255
If your first name is rowdy, you better be able to raise some hell. He is a big boy who I believe can bring da ruckus. Rowdy is the peoples’ champ, and he has the entire country of Canada behind him. If all doesn’t go well for him, at least Canada has more affordable health care than the United States.
New York Yankees
We shouldn’t be surprised by Luke Voit hitting 2 dingers in a game.
— Cut4 (@Cut4) September 20, 2018
Homeboy bench-presses 135 lbs. With ONE arm. https://t.co/CcnacoTT9F pic.twitter.com/Q1RVrwv7L8
Height: 6’3” Weight: 225
You might be asking why didn’t I submit Aaron Judge as the Yankees representative? I have two answers to that question. First of all, Judge receives way too much attention as it is. Secondly, Voit is a steak and potatoes looking type of guy. Unfortunately for Yankee fans, steak and potatoes will not get this big fella to the finish line. At least you have your 27 championships though.
Boston Red Sox
Height: 6’4” Weight: 210
Heath Hembree… what a fucking name! His nickname is Heater, but with a name like that there is no reason to have a nickname. I wanted to choose J.D. Martinez as the Red Sox representative, but as I went through their roster, I could not let this man go unappreciated. He would not win this competition, but he may have one of the cooler names in sports.
Baltimore Orioles
Height: 6’3” Weight: 230
If your nickname was once Crush Davis, chances are you’re a pretty strong fella. Don’t let the fact that he went 0-54 once distract you from his ability to kick some ass. Going hitless for that long has to fuck with a guys’ head. Hell, I go two games without a hit on Road to the Show and I want to break my TV. This guy would deliver a world of hurt to anyone who gets in his way and would give the Orioles a shot at winning something for a change in the near future.
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