We Give MPLS Restaurant Selling $36 Guac & Chips Free Spin-Zone Advice (Super Bowl Distraction Series)



We may be killing Applebee’s while also refusing to work nine-to-five jobs, but nobody’s driving the avocado demand like my fellow Millennials (myself included). How do you like us now? Print that in your newspapers and read it.

In recent developments, like the person in front of you at Chipotle arguing over the price of their burritos, we have ourselves a SERIOUS guacamole-related controversy. Is there any guacoversy that isn’t serious? Surprisingly, in atypical fashion, this guacrage didn’t involve any of my twenty-something counterparts or burritos drenched in the super-food dip/sauce (sidetone: WTF is guac? It’s not a sauce, right. So a dip? Why am I thinking so hard about this? F*ck it. Let me know what you think. I’m moving on.).

The source of the latest avocado-originated headline is Super Bowl XLII… and it’s a doozie…

Ike’s Food and Cocktails, in downtown Minneapolis, recently unveiled a new Super Bowl menu. Included in their limited-time options, was a $36.00 order of Guacamole and Chips. That decimal was placed properly… in case you had to read that a couple of times. For offering this high-priced item, Ike’s is getting beat up like their wearing purple in an NFC Championship Game.

With complaints flying in faster than Philadelphia Eagles’ points (and their fans’ hurled, still-full, beer cans), the downtown Minneapolis restaurant called an audible. Enter the Ike’s Food & Cocktails Public Relations Department:

Questionable Business Approaches 101: “Deny, deny, deny.”

As you can see from the above statement, that’s the route Ike’s chose to take. That’s fine. I’m not mad at them. Don’t hate the player, hate the game. Unfortunately for the Minneapolis establishment, their “misprint” claims aren’t pulling the wool over our eyes. Things got a little out-of-hand after that and Ike’s was backpedaling uglier than that guy you throw out in right-field because the rest of your softball team couldn’t make it. It was hard to watch. And they kept on deleting these posts… screenshots people. It’s f*cken 2018.

Finally… well apparently… a HIGHly thought-out, 7836 word facebook post was necessary to clear things up….

Or not… Ike’s PR people must not be much for math… among other things.

This is simple:

The restaurant got caught with their hands in the proverbial cookie jar. Although they probably went too far, trying to convert on increased demand is human nature. Attempting to spin-zone this situation like you actually knew what you were doing was the real mistake. They probably should’ve taken a different approach. Like, one that didn’t make them look like idiots.

If I had to put out this so-called firestorm, I own up to it. I don’t know. Blame it all on anger derived from the 38-7 debacle. “You’re right. We f*cked up. The Vikings lost and we went full psycho. Our bad.”

Actually, Ike’s should have stood strong with their limited-time menu, with ONE exception: “Any patrons with a valid State of Minnesota ID get normal menu prices and Eagles’ fans need a $50 to get their f*cken avocado fix. And we throw it at them, on top of everything! SKOL!”

Done and done. Next issue?

(Note: My spin-zone talent isn’t available for hire. We have big plans at Minnesota Sports Fan. My talent for spin will likely be needed here sooner, rather than later.)

And at the end of the day, WHO CARES! I’m only writing about this to distract me. I’m trying to avoid the bottomless pit of heartbreak eventually awaiting me, when the end of the SKOL season finally sinks in. The aftermath of falling just short of competing for a Super Bowl ring in your own backyard is dark. Like a toddler on a long car ride, we need distractions before temper tantrums, replaced by constant dull whining, kick in. If Skol Nation focuses too much on what is happening around us, the resulting stress will be detrimental to our cumulative lifespans.

If you’re in the mood for more diversions, here’s number 84, who can always make us smile:

Johnny Minnesota @TheJohnnyMN
Minnesota Sports Fan MinnesotaSportsFan.com

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