If the MLB Went WWE… Who Represents for Their Team in a Royal Rumble?


After going down a rabbit hole of Major League Baseball bench-clearing brawls on YouTube the other night, I asked myself a question: If each team had to send one player to represent their squad in a WWE-style Royal Rumble, who would be victorious? 

I will breakdown each teams’ selection and explain why there were chosen, and why they would or would not have success. Most players were selected based on their size, along with their history in the league. Any weapons used leads to automatic disqualification. May the best man win…


NL East


Atlanta Braves


Will Smith

Height: 6’5” Weight: 248

Will Smith (not Fresh Prince) was chosen based on his size and the fact that his MLB headshot photo looks like he just got booked at the county jail for a DUI. The left-handed pitcher surely has a strong left hook, but his ability to stand his ground stops there. In 2016 he injured himself while putting on his shoe which then led to a lengthy stint on the disabled list. If you can’t put on your shoe without getting hurt, you can’t hang with the big boys in a death-match battle such as this.


New York Mets


Noah Syndergaard

Height: 6’6” Weight: 240

He carries the nickname Thor but do not be mistaken, he cannot fight like him. His countless videos and photos throwing bullpen or working out shirtless only benefit his Instagram follower count. This man does not pose a threat to any of the players listed, only to your wife. 


Miami Marlins

via GIPHY


Jesús Aguilar

Height: 6’3” Weight: 250

In the land of misfits otherwise known as Miami, Florida sends Jesús Aguilar. I would normally talk about how playing for a terrible baseball team may wreak havoc on a persons’ brain but at least he gets paid a couple million to live in Miami. Derek Jeter has been waiting for something such as this Royal Rumble ever since he began his venture with the Marlins. Aguilar surely gives the city of Miami some hope.


Washington Nationals


Max Scherzer

Height: 6’3” Weight: 215

Mad Max is one of the most intimidating pitchers to step in the box against. He has two colored eyes which don’t really serve any benefit for the fight, but it sure is cool and kind of scary. I can see him mouthing to himself, “fuck you bitch” before getting his ass kicked by one of the many people on this list more powerful and better a fighter than he is. Scherzer is a killer on the mound, but that doesn’t help him here.


Philadelphia Phillies


Bryce Harper

Height: 6’3” Weight: 220

I knew that I needed to include Bryce Harper on this list in order to give him a shot at redemption. Ever since Harper charged the mound and threw his helmet wide right of Hunter Strickland, he has needed another opportunity to prove himself. Luckily for him, there are no weapons (or in his case helmets) allowed. It will be interesting to see how this fiery right fielder does for himself. I do not believe it would end well.