All I Want for My Birthday (Today) is 3 Minnesota Victories

Photo: Tom Szczerbowski – Getty Images

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As we get older, our birthdays become more meaningless by the year. Less people care, the shit you do get isn’t nearly as cool as it used to be, and fuck, you usually have to work anyway….

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Luckily for me, my birthday falls on a Saturday this year. I have the weekend off, the sun is shining, a morning round of golf is in order, and Minnesota sports has a trio of games today.

The Loons, (yes we’re talking about soccer again) are down in Chicago tonight to take on the Fire (*editor’s note: doesn’t Chicago have its own fire dept.?). They will look to keep up their playoff-esque play in their first match without their former captain, Francisco Calvo… vs their former captain, Francisco Calvo… The drama is THICK in Chi-town tonight, as the Loons’ faithful of this website (Me) continue to persuade the George Washington of this website (Eric) to jump on the band wagon. You can see the game on FSNplus/ESPN+ at 7pm.

And these Twins, though (for two)… They’re out of their fucking mind right now. The swag is so out of control, some of the boys are starting to walk with a limp. Opposing teams have no clue where the heart of the lineup is, because everyone is serving up gift-wrapped bombs, like it’s their birthday. Polanco leads the AL in batting average, Rosie leads the AL in home runs, and Jake Odorizzi hasn’t allowed a run since he was 12 years old.

Unfortunately for the Detroit Tigers, who were already disrespected 6-0 last night, they still have 3 games this weekend vs the 2019 Twins Bombers (a double header slated for today and one more game tomorrow). The Twins will look to increase their lead on Cleveland in the central, while hosting a lost Tigers club. But being fair to the Tigers, every team the Twins play lately looks lost. What a great time to be a Twins fan.

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I don’t ask for much. I’m a simple man, who just wants to spend his birthday drinking beer on his deck while watching his Minnesota sports teams dominate. Birthday wish: give me the rare Minnesota trifecta today.

Please and thank you.

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